Oops...

Yep, that's me. I'm the kid that makes the blog that I swear will hold my accountable and make sure that I do all the things that I said I would do...and then doesn't follow through.

So, the new year is here and with it brings a new determination. I sucked at this last year, so my resolutions will have nothing to do with weight loss and everything to do with bringing in a new, healthier me. Which means, I WILL drink more water than I do Diet Mtn. Dew. I will spend time at least three days a week at my very expensive gym. I will remember to eat all three meals (plus two snacks) each day. There are other ones, but they don't really pertain to the "healthier me" theme, so I'll just keep those to myself.

Now, having resolved to do all these things, I can tell you that I've sucked it up the last week and a half. I've been letting myself get too busy to do these things and it must stop! (there, I sound all scary and determined, yes?)

So, I'm back, kids. I'll try not to leave again. :)

So, it's been a few days...

and my first week is almost done!

Am I a rock star yet? No. But I think I've done a pretty fantastic job for the first week. So, here's my break down.

i only skipped my exercises ONE day. For me, that's actually like doing them every day.

I miss candy... a lot...and I plan on indulging in a sinfully delicious Milky Way Caramel on my way to work tomorrow.

The fast food thing really wasn't that bad. Only when the Asian brought home wendy's did I really feel a pang of regret.

And as for the rest of my do's and don'ts, I pretty much rocked it.

However, none of us exchange recipes, so maybe we'll do that for this week. Wish me luck, Kiddies!

Peace Out!

Yeesh.

So, this is Day 2 of what J has referred to as a "life change". She says that sounds better than "diet". It feels the same to me, but we'll see.

So, I did my exercising yesterday. The stairs made me want to cry, the sit ups reminded me that I haven't done a sit up since I was 14 and being tortured by Coach Brown in gym class, and the push ups...I don't even want to talk about the push ups. 

But here's the weird thing...I actually felt pretty great after I finished it all. There was none of the usual shame that I have when I leave the gym having only done half of what I set out to do. It felt good to actually accomplish my goal instead of making excuses to never do it. And while yes, I did whine, loudly and with much profanity, I still did it. *Hellz yeah*

So, day 2 begins. I have to go to the dentist before I head into work so that will make me nice and angry, which will give me aggression to use to complete my exercises today. So, woot!

Peace out, homies.

Also, GO CARDINALS!

Week 1

So, the girls and had a summit meeting and came up with our Do's and Don'ts for the week.

Do's:

Drink One bottle of water before you drink a soda (I know that you are probably thinking we shouldn't even be drinking soda. Why is it that in the dieting world people say soda like some peoples say cocaine?)

Eat at least 2 fruits a day (This one will be easy for me because I love fruit like a fat kid loves cake. :D It will be harder for J because she thinks that fruit is a tool of Satan)

Eat 2 snacks a day. (Another difficult thing for me to do. I have a busy job and trying to find time between girl drama and cat fights to stop and eat a damn apple will be about as likely as me actually being able to stop said drama and cat fights)


Don't:

Drink more than 3 cans of soda a day (In our line of work caffeine is King and we need it. Don't judge. It's so unattractive.)

Eat any candy. (Sugar is also big around these parts. You try getting through our day without a Starburst)

Eat any Fast Food. (Did you notice earlier when I said I don't cook? How am I supposed to feed myself? le sigh.... ((btw, we've defined Fast Food as any restaurant with a Drive-Thru))...and I so wanted a Breakfast Burrito from Sonic this morning. *pout*)

We also have Exercise Goals for the week (Can you tell I'm not overly enthusiastic about this part?)

J has decided that we will run these really heinous stairs that we have at our job. Five times. (One time=up and down.) I don't think there are words to describe these stairs fully. I go up them once and I'm ready for a nap and a cookie. But, I'm doing it. Go me!

K idea was 10 pushups. I had to ask if I could do girl push ups because there is way too much of me for my under-used arm muscles to hold up. So, we'll see if I can do this one.

And my brilliant idea was 15 sit ups. Cuz I'm pretty sure that's all I can do before I curl into a ball and cry for my mommy.

So, this is the plan. I just finished my lovely lunch of lean ham and yummy wheat bread sandwhich and a handful of potato chips (how can 13 chips have 150 calories?) and then I will go on my break and then come back and run up and down stairs while my mind pictures the horrible things I could do to my friends.  But I'll still love them while I hurt them. :D


Peace out, kids!

Mission: Impossible

Dudes! Okay, so now that the rather depressing and boring obligatory first entry is written, I will now tell you of our plan!

So, J, my friend and co worker whose idea this journal thing is, thought we should pick a date to meet our goal by...so we did. March 16th, 2012.

I will now do the whole geeky promise thing, so you may want to advert your eyes.

By March 16th, 2012 I WILL have lost 30lbs (Because my mean and possibly sadistic doctor says I have to).
Also, a surprisingly superficial goal- By March 16th, 2012, I WILL fit into these bad ass MUDD flare jeans that I found and love all over again. The hippie within me demands it.

I promise. Cross my heart. Blah, blah, blah.

So...I also have to come up with a recipe for the week. Have  I told you yet that I don't cook? How the "h" am I supposed to tell them what to cook, when I have no idea how to do it?  Anyways...so I wish googling healthy recipes for picky eaters (which I am) and found a couple of things I think I could make.

No Bake Macaroni & Cheese- As a forever fat kid and a former college student, I love me some mac 'n' cheese. This has 412 calories a serving, and even I don't need more than 1 serving.

Chiken Parm Stacks - 250 calories a serving! And it even makes my juvenile taste palate water...yummy!

So, I will be making one of these this weekend, we will see how it goes.

Any ideas for easy, first week of hell goals for me and my girls?

Finding My Feet

I actually can see my feet, though their have been times when all I could really describe would be my toes. My weight has fluctuated for as long as I can remember caring. But most days, if I look down, I can see my Sketchers, or my flip flops and, during winter, my snow boots. (Note to self: By new shoes.)  

I have always been a "big" girl. And, this is going to shock you, I have always been okay with that.* I have never believed my self worth lay inside a scale or a pair of jeans. My weight has never adversely affected my life. I feel your doubt. It's okay. I'm used to it.  You need proof, I got proof.

I have an excellent family who love me and, with the exception of my grandmother, never judge me. (and she never judges my weight, so it doesn't really count) I have a husband who thinks I'm a Goddess and treats me as such. He loves the way I look, dress,talk, do the dishes, etc. He really is the perfect man. (I will pause for your jealous sighs. Done? Okay, let's keep going) I have friends who think I'm hilarious and kind and empathetic. (All of which is true)  I have many more great things in my life all of which would take me hours to tell you about. And really...do you care?

So, you ask, why the hell am I here, talking about my weight, and feet, and everything else? If my life is so good why don't I just go and live it?  Good question. I have the answer.

My weight has never really affected my life before. I have managed to do and have whatever I wanted my entire life...until now.

I want a child. And according to my doctor, that isn't going to happen until I lose weight. Confused? Me, too. But i'll try to break it down for you:

I have PCOS- otherwise known as Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome. This causes a number of issues in my body, the most important to me being that it affects my reproductive organs and renders them pretty useless at this point. (for future reference, it also makes any attempt to lose weight twice as difficult, so for those of you who were annoyed by my bragging before, here is where your payback comes in.) There are other things it does and affects, but as my degree is in History and not in Medicine, I have a limited understanding of it.

So, doctor says to lose 40lbs and then that should help kick my ovaries into gear. It'll be like given my PCOS the finger. (Fuck you, many cysts, fuck you!)  So, in March of this year, I went on a diet-type thing and managed to lose 10 lbs. Yay for me! But then I stopped. Life happens and I got off track. I've managed to not gain back the 10lbs that I lost, but that still leaves me with 30 lbs to go. 

So, here I am, walking into the world of Healthy Eating and Exercise, trying to find my footing in the land of Weight Loss, because despite the fact that I have always been happy with being big, I want a child more than anything. If losing weight is what I need to do, then I'm serious about it. 

But, I am a rebellious soul and sometimes I end up sabotaging myself. So, I need something to hold me accountable. I bought a journal the other day. (You remember those? Leather bound books full of actual paper?) A few friends and I are doing this weight loss thing together and one of them had the idea to write down goals and recipes and (for me) to vent our annoyance at the lack of cake in the journals. I'm all for that. But, I am a child of my generation and I feel the need to let all the world know that I am a fat kid on a mission. So, I will vent to you and laugh with you and if any of you ever has an idea for Health Food( yuck) that won't make me want to gag, I would certainly appreciate it!

The ground looks a little shaky, but hopefully it will all smooth out soon!

Peace Out!

*I freely confess that there have been times throughout my life where I have bemoaned my weight and told my friends that "If only I could lose the weight..." but I was an angst ridden teenager and such issues come with the territory.